(Editor’s Note: Last weeks ‘Lax Newb Chronicles’ is old news for now but we’ve taken the idea of non-lacrosse specific themes that are relevant to ALL sports and created the ‘LAS Cheap Seats‘. Here is another gem from the guy you love to argue with: LandBeforeTime)
As we all know, Mother’s Day just came and went and we all took a moment for the #1 lady in our lives. It is a day that gives us all a chance to pay homage to our Mothers and to let them know how much we appreciate them bringing us into this world (and actually taking care of us once they did).
At my parent’s home I enjoyed my Mother’s Day by kicking back and watching some Seattle Mariners baseball, (mainly to watch Griffey Jr. swing the bat in the twilight of his career). Instantly, I noticed that players on both teams were adorned with pink wrist bands and were swinging pink bats. I came to find out that the aforementioned gear has been used league wide the past few Mother’s Days to raise awareness about breast cancer and that the bats were then auctioned off to benefit the Susan G. Komen Foundation.
Obviously, this is a tremendously important cause that MLB has set out to promote and their efforts have not gone unnoticed. Breast cancer is a terrible disease that in 2008 alone will inherit almost 200,000 new cases. I want to make it clearly understood that I am in no way trying to make light of the efforts by MLB to promote breast cancer awareness. That being said…on a purely aesthetic level watching these professional athletes, these grown men, use bright pink bats was a little comical to say the least, and it got me thinking….
On the heels of the recent Manny Ramirez debacle in which he was suspended by MLB for 50 games for violating the league’s anti-doping policy, I realized that had I come up with the perfect punishment MLB should adopt to reprimand athletes who use steroids. (For more LAS steriod talk check out Mr. Blue Sky’s piece about our national ‘roid rage) If MLB really wants to clean up its steroid problem, along with handing down major fines and suspensions, when players return to action they should be forced to wear pink jerseys, shoes, hats, gloves, bats, eye-black, etc. It doesn’t even have to be pink. It could be lavender or salmon colored, neon yellow or teal. Basically, any effeminate color would work.
Don’t like my idea? Think that it’s not politically correct? Well sorry because it’s not even mine. This type of punishment has already been enforced successfully by Maricopa County, Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio. Sheriff Joe started a chain gang for men convicted of drunk driving, and dresses the inmates in bright pink shirts that are emblazoned with the “Sheriff DUI Chain Gang” on the front and “Clean(ing) and Sober” on the back. This, my friends, is first and foremost awesome and, secondly gets results. In fact, when Sir Charles Barkley was arrested for DUI in Scottsdale, Arizona he was sent to three days time in Sheriff Arpaio’s tent city in the middle of the Arizona desert and yes, was forced to wear pink. Apparently, since his arrest and embarrassing time served under Sheriff Joe, Sir Charles has vowed never to drive again when he’s been drinking. Charles you crazy, knucklehead.
Anyways, I could just see this sort of punishment having similar successful results in MLB or any other sport where steroids or HGH become a problem (NFL, MLL, or even the NHL). I could just imagine A-Rod sprinting onto the field at New Yankee Stadium for the first time…fresh off his steroid admittance to a standing New York crowd wearing bright pink from head to two while the rest of his teammates run out in pinstripes. Pink could become the new asterisk in MLB marking the dirty “steroid era” players as they compete against their “Clean(ing) and Sober” counterparts. It would be just punishment to all these selfish athletes who tarnished America’s past time and who made a mockery of sports and competition.