In order for a poll to show its full promise, and meet the needs of the people, it must be as small as possible. This is fact, substantiated by absolutely nothing, but it is still a fact. Well, for ME it’s a fact, because I choose to believe it, and that is the side the debate moderator assigned to me. I will defend this position to the death, or at least until someone assigns me another position.
My method is proven, passionate, and effective. It’s a conservative approach and this helps people like me. You may have heard that most people want to punch me in my smug face, but that is simply not true. I will debate the topic with you, but you will lose, because I am a master-debater. If you agree with me, you have nothing to fear. If you don’t agree with me? Well, lets just not talk about that right now. There are children around.
Now on to the MOST conservative poll ever. Let’s reignite the promise of this poll, and America (Editor’s Note: did the light really ever go out?)!
Reigniting The Promise of the D1 Poll
1) Brown – A bunch of liberal hippies, but you KNEW I wasn’t putting Yale at #1. Ha!
2) Denver – Conservative, crafty, and great in high pressure situations. My heroes.
3) Yale – Is Yale TOO conservative? Is that even a real thing? Of course not.
4) Notre Dame – These guys have amazing values, and they are quite good.
5) Maryland – I love tradition, and Maryland has tradition.
6) Albany – Gritty and tough. I can’t relate, but I still like them.
7) Duke – All over the place, but they made a BIG statement recently over Marquette.
8) Syracuse – I’ve always liked the Orange. I will always like the Orange. No, not that orange.
9) Stony Brook – Two guys on O just doing work, kind of like me and… oh wait.
10) Towson – They wear a lot of black and I dye my hair black so…
11) Villanova – Inconsistent, but a tough SOS pulls them up in my book.
12) Hopkins – Hey there Johnny Hop. That’s all I got.
13) Navy – I really like [insert service academy]. I respect them and like them a lot. USA.
14) UNC – This is a great state, with great values, and great lacrosse.
15) Loyola – Good team reigniting their chances.
16) Army -I really like [insert service academy]. I respect them and like them a lot. USA.
17) Marquette – I don’t like a big loss, but I can deal with one just fine.
18) Air Force -I really like [insert service academy]. I respect them and like them a lot. USA.
19) Bryant – Hey there underdog, how you doing?
20) Bucknell – They are a good team, capable of good things still.
So there you have it. I can’t wait for this poll season to be over. Win, lose, or draw, this will be me:
You’ve been warned. I’m free now, and I have some re-igniting to do.
