Editors Note: All images in the following article by W1LDF1RE have been blurred to avoid premature blindness from pasty hippies flashing their buisness all over the place.
Well, hello again my lax friends and family, the summer is well upon us and you know what that means. That’s right its the naked ride in Portland, OR! If my sources are correct, it is legal to ride your bike naked in my fair city at all times and not just when a thousand other people are doing it. I had the great fortune of happening upon this unsightly scene of skin the other night while coming home from a few beverages with my running crew.
We pulled up to an intersection as countless bare asses rolled by in what I can only describe as the most unrelenting display of group erotica the likes of which no sober man could rightly endure without wondering what it might be like to partake. To be honest, we felt awkward wearing clothes.
Check out the local news report of the Naked Ride:
After about five minutes of complete awe (not so much at the fact that almost everyone riding by was completely naked, but at the sheer number of naked cyclists – It was downright intimidating) the skin hit the fan, or the pavement as it turned out. A car didn’t quite see the ASS-NAKED cyclist riding next to it and took a turn for the worst. The biker in birthday suite ate it hard, and came up with a wicked skin-on-asphalt raspberry bleeding drops of pride. Livin’ the naked cyclist lifestyle can be grueling at times, so WHY NOT PLAY SUMMER LEAGUE INSTEAD???
Get on it lax players! Just because the regular season is over doesn’t mean it’s time for a break. In fact, for old guys like me and Mr. Blue Sky, summer league is where it is at. It’s all about having a great time with great friends and re-laxin once a week. And seriously, it has been a great way to keep lax in my life while still tending to all those secondary activities, like career and school. In a world of war and naked bike rides let’s keep at least some of our dignity this summer and rep the lax lifestyle while maintaining those skills. What skills, you ask? Don’t have any? Well then there is nothing wrong with lax’n it up in the novice league, my friend.
If you’re anywhere in the Northwest, log onto laxNW.com and sign up for one of the many available skill levels (any of which is sure to be better than eating cold pavement while naked). Yours truly will be playing in the intermediate league at Lincoln HS in Portland, Oregon on Wednesdays this summer. So come on out, bring your stick and some brew and for God’s sake put some clothes on!