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Breaking News: UC Santa Cruz Banana Slugs Forfeit Season

The picture you’re about to see was sent to us late last night from an anonymous tipster. It’s disappointing to see proof of this kind of activity going on during the season – I’m glad I don’t have teammates like this. It’s a sad day for Banana Slugs around the country.


Won’t somebody please think of the children?
Word is this Slug got booted from the team after they raided his dorm room and found a huge stash of Banana-rama wacky tobbaco along with some uppers, downers, flim flams, whatzitdoodles, a garbage can of Nicaraguan lucas, and some gooney birds all smuggled in from Banana Land.

Who would’ve thought this little guy had it in him to jeapordize the season for himself and his teammates? UC Santa Cruz’s dreams of an MCLA lacrosse championship are over. His dreams of running for President of Banana Land? Not so much… Apparently they endorse this type of behavior.


Teammates were unavailable for comment

Looking remorseful and contemplating life in the slammer









In other Banana-related news, Miss Strawberry and Miss Pear were spotted running down Main Street yesterday evening, screaming that a mysterious stranger exposed himself to them and asked if they wanted to “slip on his peel”. The culprit is still at large and considered extremely high in potassium.