Editor’s note: A couple of our writers had some free time. That free time resulted in them watching a Jersey Shore marathon. Why? Nobody knows. Somehow this post made it into the hopper.
MCLA D1 Conference Rundown: Jersey Shore Edition
We’re going to be honest. We miss the Jersey Shore. A lot. So in an attempt to recapture the greatest reality show known to man we’ve gone and compared each MCLA conference to some of our favorite Guido’s and Guidettes.
Without further ado…
RMLC = The Situation
Three perennial powerhouses with new head coaches. So this season each team has shown some promise, but CSU takes the cake. Gym, Tan, Lax. It’s what they do. The Ram have reloaded and are sitting pretty at 5-0 but the season is still young and their rivals, BYU and the Buffs, aren’t giving up without a fight. And like always we have Utah ready to play wing-man – could they crack the tourney as a sleeper? We have ourselves “The Situation”.
CCLA = J-WOWW
We’ll call ’em J-WOWW cause they’re top-heavy. To be short (like J-WOWW’s tiny skirts and barely there clothing) Michigan will run away with the conference crown again unless 412‘s Pitt Panthers step up. Will Big Blue struggle in their remaining OOC one night stands with Simon Fraser, Oregon, Duluth, CU, or Colorado State? Don’t bet on it.
GRLC = Angelina
Lindenwood, the diva of the GRLC, is stuck at 4-3 on the year, opening the door for someone new to take the reins of the conference. Anyone feeling the Illini or Mizzou? Not to be Staten Island brash but when the GRLC comes to the tourney they don’t tend to stick around for long. Sounds a lot like Angelina and her brief stint on the shore.
LSA = T-Shirt Shop Owner Guy
Texas A&M coach and MCLA Prez Tony Scazzero runs this t-shirt shop that is the MCLA. Texas State is the top seller so far with a sparkling 7-0 record and a huge OT win over Cal out west. If they keep it up tonight against Stanford, perennial LSA power Texas might have a challenger on their hands this year. Not a lot else to say…kind of like the t-shirt shop guy after Vinnie stole his cougar lady friend.
PCLL = DJ Pauly D
DJ Pauly D hails from the Northeast and this conference will be mixing it up just like he does on the dance floor. Boston College will look to “beat up the beat” all the way to Denver. Will the entire team get matching “Cadillac” tattoos down their sides like Pauly? After starting the season 1-2 it sure couldn’t hurt as they try to right the ship. You never know.
PNCLL = Ronnie
Here’s Ronnie. Ronnie the rhino faught his way through the shore. Left fist: Oregon. Right fist: Simon Fraser. These 2 teams duke it out every single year for the conference crown and this one will be no different. SFU has fallen on tough times in recent days and the Ducks are preparing to take on Michigan soon. The PNCLL could really use a big OOC win right about now. One shot!
UMLL = Sammy Sweetheart
We love to see these teams succeed just like we love to see Sammy Sweetheart happy with Ronnie. UMD has the mindset, they just need to get a bigger chip on their shoulder and so far they’ve been crushing the hearts of everyone they meet (Wisconsin-Milwaukee took it on the chin to the tune of 28-2). Big game for Duluth against Arizona State next Monday. No more sweet talk.
SELC = Vinnie
Vinnie… ladies love him, he’s always single and ready to mingle. So unpredictable he just might steal your date. Smells like Florida and Florida State to me. Big trips out West saw the Gators nab a W at Cal Poly and the ‘Noles play Chapman tight in a 9-13 loss. Don’t sleep on the SELC.
SLC = Snooki
Just like Snooki, they’re always the life of the party. Whether it’s cart wheels, bubble baths or 16-person slip n’ slides, 6-0 Chapman has owned SoCal this year. Can anyone touch Babe City? Will Snooki ever find a man? No one knows.
WCLL = Snooki’s Mom
Snookie’s mom is her best friend. The WCLL has close ties with the newly formed SLC, but needs to make more of a name for itself. Cal Poly/ Cal/ Santa Clara, this is your opportunity. Cal can prove it against Noma (3/14) and Duluth (3/20) and the boys of SLO have a huge game against Florida State this Friday. Don’t let the kids have all the fun.
All-in-all, this is the MCLA Jersey Shore.
And just so you’ll stay entertained…here is a Jersey Shore quote board. That’s one shot, bro!
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