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Devious Video Recap: Duke vs. Maryland

Duke or Maryland? Doesn’t matter. I live my life a quarter-mile at a time.

This week on the DVR: Cottle and #7 Maryland against Danowski and #9 Duke from the Face-Off Classic at Baltimore’s M&T Bank Stadium.

Maybe I’m the Bad Guy Pretending to be the Good Guy.

Hey, sorry I’m late; my roommate (who is a real person and will go on to star in this very column as himself) thought it would be a good idea to record Get Smart than the lacrosse game.

I was mad until he made up for it by remarking that Dave Cottle looks like Mr. Magoo with a hairpiece. (It is important to note that HE said that – not me. I would never insult a fellow lacrosse professional in such a manner.) He followed this exclamation up by shouting, “Laser!” and “Take that Magoo!” every time Duke scored in the first half.

He’s from Virginia and trades lumber for a living. He was also a goalie. Which should explain everything, but strangely just creates more questions.

Face-offs have been atrocious to start this contest off. It looks like a bad D3 game out there on draws. Not one guy getting down and scooping the ball properly, always looking for the easy grab. Hey, thousands of people are watching in person and you’re on TV, try to pick up the ball correctly.

This just in: snipes off hip are all the rage today.

Let’s talk about the 2010 heads for a second. I hate them. They all look the same and every company half-assed their design to get them out on time because NO ONE thought Warrior/NB/Brine would lose that lawsuit. Surprise! Now we get to watch D1 lacrosse turn into D3 lacrosse on every face-off. Awesome!

I had/have this theory that the 2010 heads would usher in a new era of traditional stringing. So far I have been wrong. I mean, it makes sense that you would want a pocket that has natural hold to make up for the giant bucket throat of the 2010 heads.

I have yet to see a traddy stick in any 2010 game (except for Steele Stanwick, but he used it before the 2010 switch). I blame stringer malaise. 2010 college players – learn to string traditional or find someone that can do it; it’s the best way to counteract the limitations of the new heads.

My roommate just told me not to sleep with my eyes closed tonight. I’m not sure if I’m scared or puzzled by that statement.

Quick first quarter offensive breakdown:

Duke: Drive the alley roll the ball back. Get the match up. Dodge. Repeat. Shoot. Controlled. Clean.

Maryland: Start from X, move the ball to the near side. Move the wings on diagonals to open up the skip pass. Get the weak side shot off by hitting the skip.

I have another theory that when you fake more than twice it means you have no idea where you’re going to put the ball. Exhibit A: Maryland attackmen. All of them. Only a few players have the wherewithal to fake the goalie completely off his feet and stick the bunny. Those players are not on this field.

I love these “player intros” that are awkwardly filmed and have the college players with no media experience going, “Uh, I study, History. I want to move to Alaska…and work on a boat.” What?

They always make the players look like homeless people. Remember the one with John Glynn last year? It was painful. They always talk out of the corner of their mouths like they’re hitting on a freshman communication major in the corner of a sorority mixer.

Duke is crowding the crease area. Every time you crowd an area on the field, it opens up a double because you can have one defender guard two offensive players when they’re bunched.

Uh-oh. Maryland Hidden ball trick –

“How does that work in real life?! I am embarrassed for you! I am embarrassed for you and your soul” – Roommate is back in the room. I’m telling you this might as well be unnamed roommate’s column.

Quint, stop protecting your goalies; it’s sickening. That was seven shades of terrible. Goalies and defensemen cannot fall for the hidden ball. Ever. I used to laugh at plays like that. They’re funny. Until someone does them to you. Or your team. More than once in a game. And you get a flag for calling the other coach a son of a female dog for doing it more than once. And then he puts a pole on his man up and you are held down like a mental patient who refused to take their Haloperidol.

Goalie hit! Goalie hit! Face save! Goalie hit! What the heck is going on? Cottle is sprinting and screaming at officials. Anyone remember last years 7 OT game UMD vs. UVA? Do you remember the phantom Maryland push that lead to the phantom UVA timeout? That happens when you lose your lungs on refs for an entire game. “Oh, you wanted a timeout? No, see I thought you just wanted to show me how to make a T with your hands.” I know this because it has happened to me. For years. I make Petro and Cottle look like yipping beagle puppies most of the time.

Ah, the second half. Duke messing up a key face-off made me giggle. Have I mentioned that I’m a UNC fan? No? Holy – my roommate just brought a camouflage shotgun into the living room. I really wish that my guns just came in standard black. He could hide that thing anywhere in the backyard and all of a sudden I’m Ice T in Surviving the Game but with better hair and dirtier clothes.

Duke’s slides are late and/or nonexistent. Maryland’s goals are all coming from the wing. Another freak-out session on guys losing weight. Newsflash – lay off the 12-ounce curls and the weight melts off. Which I guess is harder than “chasing kids around.” Hey Quint whose kids are you chasing? This is going in a bad direction.

Duke in an open set so they can take 27 minutes to switch their personnel. Moving to a 2-3-1. They ARE taking advantage of match-ups. Two one on one isos into a crease dump. There’s no way they drew it up that way, but when you have an active crease and quick dodging midfielders that look is always there.

Dodge off? It’s a dodge off.

Shut up, Billy Zane.

Another terrible face-off. Game is starting to get messy. Oh. What a snipe. My roommate would have yelled laser if he wasn’t hitting on one of his co-workers with the acumen of a drunken wombat by saying, “Wanna watch movies all day – in our underwear?” He’s like, the smoothest guy I’ve ever met. Clearly an asset to the column.

The crease feed for Duke is always open. That crease D-man or switched midfielder is getting abused. This is about the time I go on my zone rant, but I’m going to wait for a few more crease goals to really get into it.

Duke in a 1-4-1, rotating into a 2-3-1 and a weak shot results from a quick slide from the crease to the alley.

Ok, you can celebrate a low to high top corner goal. For like 5 seconds. Not 150 seconds. This is why people hate Maryland – every goal they score is a game-winning goal. I can’t STAND when teams take longer to celebrate than the ensuing faceoff. It’s insulting, Maryland plays like a talented summer ball team sometimes and this is just another example of that.

It’s interesting watching this game for the second time, you can see that Even though Duke’s attack has al of their goals, their midfield spearheads the attack from the top of the box. Maryland is the exact opposite, hitting the wings and attacking form behind the cage. Duke is also rotating more, despite Cottle basically perfecting the motion offense years back when he was at Loyola. Now he has all these beast-eating-pro-wrestling-physique attackmen and he can concentrate on his big boys taking shots from all over the field. This is a game of flash vs. control and flash has a two-goal lead heading into the fourth quarter.

I swear a lot more than these coaches in huddles. Like I could record a rap album of just my tirades between periods. Someone get me an autotone and the alien chick from the “V” commercial that randomly aired between periods for my album cover. Morena Baccarin is SAUCY.


What an ugly goal by the Terps to start the fourth. Three dropped passes and a goalie out of the crease. Thank you 2010 heads. Those are the goals you create. Enjoy the increased crappiness of the highlights your regulations have produced old men who want their records to stay in tact. You sicken me.

Maryland has been hitting cross crease cross-field passes all day to hit their wing shooters. Duke ahs no answer but to try it themselves and get picked off. The short crease pass had been working for the Blue Devils earlier in the game, but it’s not working now.

Maryland’s D has tightened up. You know what? I didn’t see this before – Maryland’s D is baiting the skip. Wow, maybe they’re not just a summer league team with inexplicable yellow in their colour schemes.

I’m not giving Duke any credit here. That’s on purpose, I just wanted you to know that. I wear my biases like badges of honour, not scarlet letters. Also, Duke has only gotten the ball off of face-offs or unforced turnovers, so there really isn’t much to analyze other than the Blue Devils aptitude for snatching odd goals from broken slides and plays.

Pressure D from both teams is forcing both teams play smarter and tighter – for the moment. Like D1 teams. Some great possession from the Terps in the middle of the final period followed by the refs finally making an appearance and calling a 10 second violation. Killing the game, but still attacking.

Why can’t other teams play like that? Because they don’t have the talent that Maryland has. I haven’t even had a chance to throw some acidy hate into Duke’s face yet and it’s disappointing.

Hey, who is this guy with the bad haircut doing stick tricks in this segment? Oooohh! Casey Powell? No? Ryan Powell! No? Oh. It’s that one. Hold on, I need to make a vaguely religious hand gesture and grab a clove of garlic from kitchen before I restart the DVR. Fun fact, clowns can be vampires too. I could have just fast-forwarded, but where’s the drama in that?

Powellful Creepiness.

Uh oh. The roommate is back again. “How is Magoo’s team winning?! Why is Duke’s goalie smaller than you, Kyle?!” Did I mention that roommate is a Duke fan and likes to constantly remind me how short I am? *Sigh*.

Maryland gifting the ball to Duke on their next possession but Duke eventually gives it back. Duke needs to shoot the ball not move it around until they get a good shot.

I have to say Quint ( Fun fact: “Quint” comes up as “quaint” in spellcheck. Every time. ) is right about Duke not having any outside shooters.

Duke gets their goal to cut the lead to 2 by driving inside and the double/slide never comes from Maryland. Rewind: no one even moved. Wow. Worst defense of the entire game, right there. Maryland is a summer ball team once again.

On the clear from Duke’s miscue behind the net, Maryland goes down the wing, but doesn’t make the second pass behind the cage to set up. So instead they run right into a double at the corner of the box setting up a great takeaway for Duke.

These are mental errors, but they’re bailed out by a weak call from the zebras. The stick goes up and the ref throws the flag. Lower the shoulder, man. Bring the pain. Wait did I just root for Duke? No! No! Damn the underdog effect.

Duke’s persistence pays off and they run a perfect fast break. It’s a one-goal game and it’s a race for…a timeout. Of course.

Re-watching this ending becomes painful starting at the 1:07 mark.

Slowest shot ever from Duke.

Turn over from Maryland.

Fast break Duke.

Timeout Duke.

YAY! F-Bomb in the huddle! YAYYAYAAYAAY! We’re averaging one fudge bomb per week on ESPNU this year, folks. I love me some inappropriate swearing.

“WE NEED ONE GOAL HERE!” – Roommate. God I wish he would just shut up. I’m going to a bar for the rest of these games, I swear…

And my DVR shuts off because I didn’t record the next program directly after the time allotted for the game.

Good thing I watched it LIVE!

No, seriously it’s a good thing that I did that.

Out of the timeout Duke works it around but the ball gets on the ground…and a Maryland player straight up merks a Duke rider and it’s Duke ball again. Right on cue:

“How you like that Magoooo!!!!”

Thanks roommate. Wait…did the Terps keeper just run out of the net and hit the ball carrier? Super gamble…Longpole carries up field unmolested fakes a shot and hits the wing -Ohhhhh Billy it’s a goal for MD. Fast break perfection matched and executed – the EXACT same shot Maryland scored on ALL game is their winner.


“#@$%ing turtles…”


Today’s Devious Video Recap is brought to you by the fine folks at – when you get that not-so-fresh-feeling just go to the Fresh…makers.

About the author: Kyle Devitte has written for The Boston Cannons, LaxUnited, The MLL, Inside Lacrosse, LaxNation and the New England Lacrosse Journal. He is currently head coach of the Daniel Webster College men’s lacrosse team.

Read all his Devious Video Recaps and relive the best NCAA lacrosse action from 2010.

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