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Devious Video Recap: Loyola vs. Towson?

"I just never thought of myself as an angry man."... Honestly, you do a good job of hiding it, but you're the angriest man I have even known.

Reasons why I decided not to do the Duke/Georgetown game:

1. I hate Duke. The school. The scandal. All of it. The entire Duke experience enrages, disgusts and depresses me.

2. I’ve already seen Georgetown play three times and they’re not fun to watch or analyze. They run a Stone Age offense (although they run it well) but they get killed every time they try to switch their O set.  They have an incredibly dynamic longpole in Chris Nixon that they bury at close defense half the time.  Their best players are beaten up and painful to watch right now.

3. I’d have to make a comment about the “Max Quinzani thumbs the ball” corollary that seems to be permeating this very site.  I’ve met Max a few times and he’s been nothing but generous with his time.  I see no need to besmirch him any further. Plus, you know CW/LAS might be right.  Then I’d have to heckle Max from the sidelines after he ISN’T drafted by the Boston Cannons this summer. No one wants that. Ask Kenny Nims.  I made him cry last year.

4. Both teams are coached by old (school) coaches.  I read Urick’s book about lacrosse and I know he understands the game.  I read

5. I can’t watch Beninati call a game without Quint.  I watch MLL tape all summer, there’s no way I can get used to Been-in-naughty call a game without “LAZER” exclamations from the guy next to him.  I don’t even think this Jamie Munro guy is alive. I don’t mean that, I’m still hurt from a Munroe experience in the past…

Reasons why I decided not to do the UNC/Maryland game:


2. I’ve seen Maryland play numerous times this year and they always have more talent than anyone they play, but they always manage to blow their lead like an overzealous copywriter at USA Today. Nothing is more frustrating than watching a team with more talent than a high school production of “Godspell” play like…a high school production of “Godspell”.

3. I couldn’t bear to watch a game that UNC could lose or look bad in.  Every team I follow in all sports lost this week; I couldn’t bear another one even coming close. Oh, UNC won?  Really?

4. I can’t write a Maryland column without my roommate in the room shouting epithets. He’s pure gold, people. You know it, I hate it – but it’s true.

5. I…damn it. I should have done this game.  Crap.

Reasons why I didn’t do the Hopkins/UVA game:

1. My DVR was full.  There are no numbers 2-5.  That’s literally the only reason. I feel shame.

Reasons why I decided to break down the worst game of the weekend (Loyola/Towson):

1.Penance: Like I said, every team I am affiliated with/follow lost and I wanted to wallow in misery.

2. Malaise: I’m on Web MD trying to figure out if I’m depressed or bipolar, hold on a second…

3. My DVR betrayed me and recorded all the ESPNU games because I selected those first. Plus I might get to hear Mark Dixon scream “BUGABOO” like he did last week.

4. I’m giving Loyola a chance to be my darkhorse at the midway point of the season.  Then again, the last team I hitched my darkhorse tag on was Denver in 2008 and look at how that turned out…RIGHT JAMIE MUNROE? (Synergy, all up in your grill right there).

5. I’m mailing this one in. What?  At least I’m telling you.  I’ve had a rough weekend, man give me a break. I ordered a margarita this weekend and asked for extra regret. I then let my now infamous roommate send a note to a waitress with my phone number on it and a “check here if you will call him” box on the napkin.  Bad weekend is an understatement.

Don't laugh, he might be your dad.

OOOOOOkaaayyy lets get to the action.  Seriously.  Any time now.  Come on.  Dodge.  Re dodge.  Pull the ball out.  Dodge. Re dodge.  Actually, I take that back  -no one on either team is actually dodging – they’re doing stutter steps.  Yeah, that’ll work.  I feel like coaches just refuse to ask their players to dodge because they’re scared of the defense actually having a chance of taking the ball away with the 2010 heads.

The lead ref for this game looks like Mario. If Mario ate Luigi.

Serious question: How come Italians never protested Mario like they protested "Jersey Shore"?

Five minutes in and we finally have a goal from Loyola….after the Towson goalie decided to sit in his crease for ten seconds.

Colin Finnerty…must…not…reference…obvious…reference…

Wow, Finnerty is 6’ 5’’?  Really?  And he weighs 200lbs?  That’s one lanky ginger.  Can I say ginger?  Does the term “ginger” offend redhead’s delicate sensibilities?  My sister has red hair…I would ask her but she hits like a truck and I’m too old to be losing fights to my sister.  Anymore.

Why do they keep showing “V” commercials?  Is there a large lacrosse audience for Alien melodrama all of a sudden?  I’m not complaining, I’m just asking.

I’ve never watched a lacrosse game where less stuff has actually happened.  Even in a terrible game, there are mistakes to remark on and calls that should have been made.  But this…this is what a game played in limbo would look like.

Towson just ran around in circles behind the cage for two minutes after a flag was thrown and took a horrible shot. It’s not bad enough that the Tigers are draped in pukey yellow; they’re playing slowdown offense and crawling on fast breaks.  See, this is why people confuse you with UMBC, Towson – you have the same colours and play the same style.  I remember when you wore black and people were scared of you.

Can I just say that the sweep from X is the most overused and underperformed move in lacrosse?  80% of guys that round GLE fake high and go low or try to just get around the goalie.  You have to fake near side and keep your stick high so you can hit either the far side high or far side low.  It’s not hard, people.

2-0 Loyola off of a slow break.  Towson pole just didn’t think the guy was going to shoot.  I mean, I can see where he was coming from – dude was just carrying down the alley, but the crease D-man didn’t even close him down.  Lazy D is bad D.

Loyola is running an overload 2-2-2.  They’re leaving the right lane open to drive to cage, but since no one is dodging (they’re still stuh-stuh-stutter stepping) they’re not filling the alley.  They’re also not hitting the side open rollback on the backside.  It’s sort of puzzling to watch.  So many things are open for the Greyhounds.

Ugh.  They’re really calling the Bayhawks the Chesapeake Bayhawks.  Why?  How is that going to help?

There can be only one. Logo.

Ooh, spin move.  Nice goal. Towson keeper Travis Love didn’t even step to the ball until it was behind him – near side pipe.  Risky.  See that’s the other option when you drive from X – the wide-angle shot over the sleepy keeper.  It’s 3-0 Loyola and I’m waking up now.

Speaking of waking up, Towson is now dodging with urgency towards the cage and getting shots off.  Why do teams play this cat and mouse slowdown speed up game?  Just play your style and adjust – why bother being conservative the entire game and then deciding to turn it on when you’re down?  It makes no sense.

Another change, now Towson is applying pressure on defense and forcing Loyola to pass around and switch their set.  They’re even sliding for quick doubles – where was this for the entire first quarter?  I don’t understand…

Towson’s entire offense revolves around Pastirik getting the ball against a shortie and running at him from behind the cage.  And yet, they cannot seem to do this.  They’ve allowed a longpole switch several times as well.

Rockerstep + no slide = Towson goal.  It’s not Pastirik, it’s Matt Lamon but it’s one of the strongest moves to cage today by either team.  Considering it’s 3-1 and half way through the second quarter I guess it’s notable.

Wow.  Great finish from the ginger kid.  Finnerty has skills; he set that goal up with a stick fake from 1998.  A Dan-Denihan-esque turn shot, top cheese.

Now Loyola is doubling quickly form the crease.  A goal from Towson is making this close.  Could have been a crease dive, but it’s allowed.  PS: who DOESN’T want the crease dive re-instated in lacrosse?  Is it just the goalies?  Have you ever scored a diving goal?  It feels amazing.  Sure you can destroy a goalie with a distance rip top corner, but getting up right next to the guy you just dominated and shooting him a look before you walk out – there’s nothing like it. I’m talking about diving lacrosse shots.  God, I hope no one got that joke…

The tempo of this game is undulating like a stripper on a rollercoaster.  Shots all over the place from both teams to start the second half is giving me hope for the rest of this game.

Heeeyyyy ladies.

Holy crap, Loyola is running a 2-3-1.  No way!  I thought that died in 2005!  This is exciting.  Oh.  That’s why no one runs it.  The crease feed gets picked off by good defensemen that don’t ball watch 60% of the time, every time.

It’s still 4-2, in case you were wondering. I think this is why no one gambles on lacrosse games.  The over/under on a game like this would be like 12. I’d take the under on pretty much every team other than UVA this season.  If gambling were legal.  And I had money.  And wasn’t an NCAA coach.  And knew what an over/under was.

The ¾ low-to-high shot is the only thing that keeps me from turning this game off.  Never before have I looked forward to commercials on a program that I have DVRed.  Painful is not a term I would use – excruciating is more like it. 4-3 Loyola…followed a few boring minutes later by a Greyhound goal, 5-3 with a late hit on the crease.

Yes! Toomey is screaming at officials about the ball being in the air at the horn to end the third – I have to say I think he’s right.  If the horn is still going off and you pass the ball, isn’t the ball in the air?  Is the horn measured in the time or the end of the time as we know it?  Either way I would have freaked out in a similar fashion; had I not already freaked out about the 47th Masters commercial in a row featuring Tiger Woods.  Fun fact: I was a head golf coach before I was a head lacrosse coach.  Yet -I hate golf.

Loyola goal off of a super sloppy clearing run from a Towson shortstick. Great no-time and room shot from Cooper MacDonnell, his second of the afternoon.  Never heard of him.

Can you say a game is over with a three-goal lead and 13 minutes left to play?  Normally, no but in this case – you definitely can.  Towson is donezo, brozo.  I apologize for that previous sentence; someone dared me to say that in a column last week.  I win.

Towson’s Christian Pastirik has been doubled at GLE all day and his relief has been prehistorically slow at X so he can’t even move the ball.  I guess you can just beat Towson by shutting down the former Big Red/Bear and not making any other mistakes on defense.  Free scout for the CAA teams, the next one is 10 bucks.

Finnerty has his hat trick to make it 7-3.  He might actually be a good find for a desperate MLL team that needs a finisher on the crease.  If any of the MLL teams ran an offense with a guy on the crease.  Or any MLL team ran an offense at all.

Uh…my DVR just stopped.  Loyola won this right?  I mean, no way Towson more than doubles its goal total from the entire game in the last eight minutes of the game.

What? I’m taking a mulligan.  Like Tiger(s) should have. See you next week – big game on the schedule, people!  It’s – UNC vs. Hopkins. Uh-oh.

Today’s Devious Video Recap is brought to you by the fine folks at – Uh…it’s ballin’? Do people still say Ballin’? Really? Oh, good. Yeah. Ballin’.

About the author: Kyle Devitte has written for The Boston Cannons, LaxUnited, The MLL, Inside Lacrosse, LaxNation and the New England Lacrosse Journal. He is currently head coach of the Daniel Webster College men’s lacrosse team.

Read all his Devious Video Recaps and relive the best NCAA lacrosse action from 2010.

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