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Lacrosse Headlines You Won’t See in the Summer of 2022

For this week’s article, Quint decided to take a look at some of the more unlikely headlines to appear on your Lacrosse All Stars news feed this summer. While most of these headlines would be awesome if they were true, the likelihood of seeing many of these come to fruition is very slim, but it’s still fun to fantasize about what could be.

Here are Quint Kessenich’s lacrosse headlines you wont see this upcoming summer.


  • Georgetown builds a locker-room addition to house influx of transfers
  • An NIT lacrosse tournament becomes a reality in 2023
  • Inside Lacrosse reprimands media poll voter for not watching any games
  • Notre Dame to play just 10 contests on 2023 schedule
  • ACC and Big Ten announce the formation of an ACC / Big Ten challenger series
  • ESPN’s Anish Shroff proclaims Michigan will make the NCAA tournament in 2023
  • Club coach promised Ivy League, delivered MCLA, Parents hire lawyer
  • Coaches committee bans prospect day social media posts during the season
  • Boston College men’s lacrosse is back, set to join the ACC
  • PLL and NLL agree to separate calendars
  • No balls on the end line, youth players stage sit-down at jamboree
  • Virginia secures NIL deal for entire roster
  • High school prospect reclassifies after going (0,0) during weekend event
  • Maryland breaks ground on new lacrosse-only stadium
  • USA Lacrosse to host transfer portal combine 
  • Hopkins pep band to perform at the White House on July 4th
  • 84-year old scores game winner in Vail Past Masters division, grandchildren join the dog pile
  • Pay for play model uncovered in New Jersey club program
  • PLL Goalies 2022 – Bigger is Better
  • Shut the Box: FOGO’s prohibited from leaving the field in new rule change
  • Retired Coach K added as Duke lacrosse volunteer assistant 
  • ESPN’s Paul Carcaterra opens hair salon in Yorktown, NY
  • NCAA Committee trashes RPI, will use modern metrics for 2023 tournament selection
  • All 50 states: Universal shot clock added to boys high school lacrosse
  • “It’s too damn cold”, Yale breaks ground on new dome
  • NCAA Tournament Selection Committee to seed all 18 teams
  • “The Prince of Burn Out”, high school player signed up for a lacrosse event every day this summer
  • Secret of his Success: John Tillman reveals he doesn’t sleep
  • ESPN’s Ryan Boyle files “Freeze It Here” for federal copyright 
  • Lax Parents opting for NetJets as gas prices soar during summer event calendar
  • “Gone Fishin”, Brecht takes summer off as transfer portal fully sustains Scarlet Knights recruiting
  • Michigan ramps up 2023 schedule by adding MCLA Champion South Carolina and D3’s RIT
  • PLL Redwoods consult via zoom with Gerry Byrne to fix leaky defense, hire Bob Benson to teach passing
  • Men’s and Women’s Tournament Semifinals combined to one site on Memorial Day Weekend, title games to be played following Saturday night on ABC
  • ESPN’s Chris Cotter fails PED test, plans to workout then appeal ruling
  • MIAA alumni groups band together to start NIL collectives for middle schoolers
  • Feds probe club director for unethical kickbacks
  • FDA says that the Gait D model head is safe and suitable for kitchen usage and snow removal 
  • PLL unveils lacrosse cryptocurrency