Here I am at damn near 10pm waiting around for yet another late starting Blazers game. These are the times when the East Coast Bias really starts to kick in for those of us lucky enough to experience life in the original 13 colonies. Games that start this late on a Friday night are Chinese water torture for the small group of West Coast refugees out here… or at least the ones with OCD for sports like me.
By the 2nd half I’ll be out at a bar or passed out on top of a pile of empty cans and broken dreams. My solution thus far has been to fire up the old DVR so I can catch all the BRoy brilliance and Oden catastrophes but in this new information age on crack I always end up getting tipped off to the final score.
Twitter, facebook, text messages…the same info overload that brought down Tiger Woods is killing my fan-dom. There is no telling how much I would be willing to pay for a 2010 version of the Get Smart “Cone of Silence” to block out sports scores or recent developments on The Jersey Shore.
Maybe I’ll just take some trucker no-doze pills, watch Kobe and the L*kers lose yet again in Rip City and then run buck naked in the snow like a wild animal, howling at the moon and most likely getting mugged or shot in Alphabet City. Very tempting.
But first here is the first Spoon Feed of aught-10. Put your party pants on.
Time to get fed.
5. The Original Duo
4. KD2’s are siiiiick
Straight off the Durantula’s twitter feed we found his brand new kicks.
3. ESPN Images Of The Decade
1. Sit idly by, believing that the ingredients will find a way to make a sandwich out of themselves
2. Lose faith and make the sandwich anyway
3. Realize that you were the instrument by which the ingredients chose to make a sandwich after all
4. Run around the room and grab everyone’s knives, insisting that their sandwiches will do the same in time
Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse
1. Make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich
2. Have someone take a bite, then tell them it’s a baloney sandwich
3. Make up a whole bunch of other shit, then say you had planned it all along
4. Buy a few yachts
1. L*KER FAN FAIL
FYI: “The Los Angeles Lakers haven’t won in Portland since 2005. You read that correctly. The Blazers have beaten the Lakers eight consecutive times in Portland.”
Blazers vs. L*kers tonight in the rivalry many of you probably didn’t know existed. When the NBA switched the two teams into different divisions it only made these meetings more heated. Let’s kick it off by checking out the ridiculous L*ker fans that always pop up for these games.
And this only the beginning. Check out the rest of The Spoon Feed and see what else you missed.
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