Every time I take a journey through a lacrosse retailer’s website, I’m dumbfounded by the number lax t-shirts there are out there. I know, LAS is not helping the situation (and we won’t ever be), but it’s not really a bad thing. In fact, maybe it’s a really good thing. At least we’ve got a lot options.
Today, I took a stroll through a few sites and started thinking, “Who would wear this? When would they wear this? What impact will this one shirt have on their godforsaken life?” The next thing I knew, I was ordering a few new t-shirts and writing this 700 word in-depth analysis on the role of lacrosse t-shirts in everyday life.
Warrior USA Tech Tee
This one is quite obvious. You’re feeling patriotic, so you put on this t-shirt and you’re satisfied.
Pro: It’s comfortable for lounging around the house (or working out) because it’s made of that sweat-wicking 95/5 polyester/Lycra fabric.
Con: If you look like an athlete and you have a gnarly beard, people are going to start tapping on your shoulder and asking you if you’re Ryan
Maverik Marquee Tee
This is a post-game party shirt. Wear it with jeans, wear it with sweatpants – nobody will really care because they’ll all be too me mesmerized with your shirt.
Pro: If you look good, you play good. If you look good, you party well.
Con: There is orange on this shirt. I hate orange.
Con Bro Chill’s ‘Come To My Party’ Tank
Remember, I said that Mav tee was post-game party shirt. This CBC special right here is just your everyday PARTY TANK. There’s a big difference. No one does it like Flowsiedon.
Pro: Funny, trendy, colorful. Great if you work your beach muscles in the gym.
Con: If you don’t have a party, this is false advertising.
Warrior Scully Tee
If you’re listening to rock and roll, death metal or even some of that screamo stuff right now, then this is obviously the shirt for you.
Pro: It’s a cool shirt that makes lax look insane and violent to the innocent bystander who sees it, so you’ll be 3x as scary when wearing it with your mascara on.
Con: Grandma may not like it, and you won’t fit in at church.
Nike Johns Hopkins Dri-Fit Legends Tee
Your practice tee. No, not at team practices. This is what you should probably wear when you’re your self-induced practice sessions. Maybe not the Hop tee, but one of em. Hey, if you want to play for the school you might as well start pretending you do now.
Pro: It’s comfortable, clean and form-fitting.
Con: It’s form-fitting.
Adrenaline Dos Parajos Tee
For those off days when the sun is shining brightly and there ain’t a care in the world. So California.
Pro: Wear this shirt with ripped up jeans and no shoes while sitting on the porch sipping a gin and tonic (with lime) and you’ll have automatic style points that may or may not lead to you being the next Real World star.
Con: Wear it around a bird dog and prepare to get ambushed.
Bad Dog Tee
Speaking of dogs, this ones for those of you with a bad dog out there.
Pro: Can’t really think of one.
Con: Very 1995 of you.
Periodic Table Tee
For every 15 players on a lacrosse team, there are at least 3 nerds. It’s the 3 For 15 Rule. You’ve heard of it, right? Well, regardless, order this and put it your homework helper’s locker.
Pro: Live it, breathe it 24/7, 365. Always a good message.
Con: You’re going to give your chemistry teacher a headache.
In Conclusion
I’d like to point out that there are many, many other lacrosse related t-shirts out there on the internet today. Please do not start feeling sorry for yourself if no particular tee jumped out at you in this post. It was only a hand-picked selection and I wasn’t thinking about you when I wrote this post. Well, maybe I was thinking of some of you.
All that being said, I do have a cool deal to tell you about. This weekend, in honor of Columbus Day, you can get all LAS t-shirts for 14.92% off. Sweet, right?
Next week: Sweatshirts
